The last time this had an update was the end of January; it’s now nearly the end of April, so ‘update time’.
At the start of February there was a nasty fire at work and that has caused major problems,including a lot of personal though work related stress. Now, stress is one of those things that till it affects you, you really have no idea how debilitating it can be. Stress can lead to disturbed or no sleep which means being really tired during the day. This tiredness combined with the daytime stressful work situation makes for an even greater level of tiredness (exhaustion?) yet, despite this tiredness sleep is still illusive, so this whole thing becomes one vicious self-perpetuating circle.
The idea of interacting with others disappears (including interacting with this blog), however a few things are starting to sort themselves out a bit, plus a degree of ‘forcing an amount of normality into life’ should mean a bit more of a regular update routine for this blog.
Often find it a bit odd how my mood can change quite quickly, especially on week-ends.
As a guy with a job my week-days have a degree of enforced structure. I must be up early in the morning, every morning, then into work. Obviously there are good days and there are bad days at work, but it is relatively predictable. Regular, routine interaction with familiar faces, lunch taken at a similar time each day. The amount and type of work can vary, but within a limited range, then finishing work at the same time each evening. So there is this sort of regime which may not control, but certainly influences my attitudes and moods, though only within a given range.
Week-ends though are so different. There is the expectation and excitement towards the end of the working week of looking forward to the week-end and the break from work. Then the week-end arrives, and does expectation match actuality? There can be the feeling of O.K. it’s the week-end, so now what do I do? Some week-ends can be busy with planned things, but for the others not so, then just doing what-ever happens to happen. Also, so often it’s the little things that can turn a ‘nice day’ mod into one of anxiety and depression. May be a case of doing your best for someone, but not getting a thank you. (Possibly the opposite, a simple ‘thanks’ or acknowledgement can really brighten a down day.) Maybe informal arrangements to meet friends, but they don’t turn up. The expectation of the meeting, then the disappointment when they are not there. Perhaps something said in the chat on messenger, said in a light-hearted manner by the sender but found hurtful or misunderstood by the receiver. Of being ignored in some group chat session where the group is made up of people you know. A bit of peace and quiet is often needed to give you your own space to get things done in, but social isolation can be devastating (and so much more devastating when you don’t understand why the isolation is happening).
Some people are not always to good at this ‘friendship’ thing and so can over-value those friends they do have. This can bring in problems of its own. To you, they are your ‘friends’, but to them you are just ‘an acquaintance’. A friendly acquaintance, and someone they probably quite like, but not to the relationship level of being a real ‘friend’. So a mis-balance in the way the various people expect the others to act and respond to their actions (or lack of actions). I’m sure a lot of the elitism arguments which were going on over some YouTubers a while ago were because of this.
Developing electronic friendships are all very well, but that bit of physically meeting someone to fully establish how the level a friendship may (or may not) be working at can be so useful. That’s one of the reasons that I think gatherings are so important.
I want to see who these people I know electronically really are – not just a face behind a camera, and I want them to see me for what I am.
I hope a friend.